Speechless

Tuesday, June 25th 2019

Nevada City and Los Angeles, CA

It’s 8am and I am waking up in my tent for the last time. Today I will check out of the Ananda retreat center. I am ready to leave, not in the sense that I need to get away from here, but more like I feel that I got what I came for. As I pack up, I suddenly feel that I should not take the rock from the forest with me. I silently ask what to do and think that I should leave it somewhere in the garden.

I make a lap around the property silently thanking each area where I meditated. When I arrive at the root cellar I decide to place the rock on a small altar in front of Kali, the goddess of decomposition. As I leave the rock, I silently wonder if I have shifted the energy of the garden. 

I end my walk at the dining hall, where I fill up my coffee tumbler. At 8:30 am I go to meet Alley at the Temple of Joy for one final meditation, but someone else is using the space and Alley is not there. Instead, I spend the time journaling. 

At 9am, Alley and I meet for breakfast. We eat in silence and then, afterward, hang around drinking coffee and working on the puzzle until the front office opens. 

At 10am I say my goodbyes, check out, and am on the way back to civilization.

I immediately stop at the first In n Out I see and relish in the joy of meat and cheese. I also grab a Starbucks cappuccino and send a few texts to check-in. 

I arrive at home by 6pm and meet a friend around 8pm. I try to explain my trip, but, all of the sudden I am speechless. I am somehow able to spit out the words “I don’t know what to say” and they kindly respond that I don’t need to talk about it right now. 

As I crawl into bed for the night, I feel slightly stunned, but also have a deep-seated sense of peace and tranquility. I think to myself that I should do this more often.