Peace, joy

Sunday, June 23rd 2019

Nevada City, CA

It’s 6:30am and I am waking up for my final silent yoga and meditation session. I quickly get dressed and enter the Temple of Silence. The group of 12 has dwindled to just 7 in only 2 days. During the group meditation, I picture myself expanding beyond my body, then beyond the temple, then beyond the garden to eventually encompass the entire universe. I breathe love into every corner of it and feel very relaxed. I ask the universe why there is fear and it answers that there is no fear.

I skip the pancake breakfast and sit in the garden with a large cup of coffee. I feel very calm and peaceful. 

At 9:15am the group gathers in the Temple of Silence. It’s time to break the silence and everyone chants Om three times. Susan invites the group to share experiences and I can not believe how happy I feel to hear other people talk. There are a variety of comments on the whole process including one guy becoming aware of the pain in his body and another woman who can not stop crying; I get her, that was me yesterday. When it’s my turn to speak, I describe my experience as exciting, scary, sad, enraging, calming, and peaceful. Those are all the words I want to say at this point. 

Once the discussion is over there is talk amongst the group about visiting Ananda Village, located just down the hill. I learn that another woman from the group, named Alley, will also be staying 2 extra days and we decide to drive down to the village together. I agree to meet at the dining hall in 30 minutes. 

I go back to my tent to grab my wallet and can not decide if I want to bring water or coffee. I ultimately land on taking my wallet, journal, and coffee mug. I’ve only been here 2 days, but already feel mild anxiety about leaving. 

Another woman from the group, named Cat, joins Alley and me for the ride down the hill. She is from San Francisco and will be taking a cab back into the city. Cat is energetic and immediately wants to be friends, there is talk about forming a Facebook group and attending different festivals together. I am overwhelmed, but ultimately agree that we should all be friends. 

At the village, we spend some time browsing the gift shop. I buy a mala bracelet, which is a series of beads that I count while meditating in order to keep track of time. Soon Cat is off to catch her taxi and Alley and I drive to the rose garden. The village is a lot quieter than I imagined and there are only a few houses on large lots. We see a group of sheep grazing. 

The garden is beautiful. There are roses everywhere and I can tell they have never been pruned. When it’s time to go back, Alley asks if I’ll drive her car and I agree. 

Back at the retreat center, I learn that lunch is not served on Sundays. I make myself a snack of macadamia nuts and beef jerky and am surprised to find my watch and map laying on one of the tables. I reclaim my property and secretly think that I always knew it would find its way back. 

I start my afternoon by staring lovingly at the garden. I walk to a few spots that were identified by Charles, the gardener, as having special power. The first one is a large oak tree, which he called Grandmother. I sit in front of the tree and quiet my thoughts. I wait patiently for an epiphany, but nothing comes. Next, I walk to the only other oak tree located on the property, which the gardener calls Grandfather. I sit quietly for a while, straining to gain wisdom. I begin to think that should become more rooted, like the tree. I am sure that my mind is playing tricks on me, but also can not deny this is good advice.

Around 4:30pm I go to the Temple of Silence. A guy from our group is laying on his yoga mat, but the room is otherwise empty. Around 4:35, Alley joins. It becomes clear that no instructor is coming, however, Alley, who is also a yoga instructor, agrees to walk us through a few poses. At 6pm we move into a group meditation. 

At 6:30pm, dinner is served. Alley and I sit together. We have a long conversation about life at home, I learn that she is a mother and a part-time hula hoop instructor, who lives in Sonoma. We talk about our personal forms of spirituality and different belief systems. Eventually, health and wellness comes up as a core tenant for me and she is very interested. 

We only stop talking when it starts to become dark outside. Neither of us brought flashlights, so it’s time to call it a night. 

As I get ready for bed, I am overwhelmed with feelings of joy and am grateful that I stayed for the full term of silence.