Friday, October 7,
2016
San Angelo, TX
It’s 9:30am and I am waking up for a
10:30am departure. It’s the day of Mema’s viewing and we are finally wrapping
up our to-do list. Around 10:20am I wander into the hotel lobby and put
together a plate of bacon and eggs. My Mom arrives at 10:30am, right on time.
We start out the day with one last
stop at the funeral home. We are there to drop off our picture albums and a few
last minute additions to Mema’s casket. I have brought a picture of us cooking together. As we are shown to the viewing room, I am gulping coffee and
chomping down Altoids in an effort not to burst into tears. However, when we enter
I can no longer hold it together. My Mom gives me a brief hug and then we are quickly back to business.
Once everything is settled, we sign
the guest book and head back to the hotel. My Dad has arrived and we need to go
pick him up. After a 30-minute break at the hotel we all pile into the pickup
and head over to Henry’s for lunch. Dad is very chatty about everything except
for Mema. My Mom and I are emotionally exhausted so we just let him talk.
Lunch is extremely filling and
afterwards we need to head back to the funeral home because my Dad has one last
addition for Mema’s casket. It’s Mr. Bill. Mr. Bill is an old dog toy that Mema
gave to Millicent about 10 years ago. Millicent passed earlier this year, so my
Dad’s idea is that Mema can deliver Mr.Bill to Millicent in heaven. I find this mildly
inappropriate, but everyone deals with death in their own way.
As we approach the funeral home we
recognize my Mom’s adopted sister, Rhonda, in the parking lot. As we approach
my Dad and I are friendly. We all hug and say our hellos. Rhonda has come alone
and brought pictures for the photo albums. She gives me the pictures and then sends
me off into the viewing room so that she can talk to my Mom. I feel like I should
stay but Rhonda is very pushy.
Entering the room for the second time
is much easier. I flip through her photos and find that most of them are
glamour shots of her daughters. I pull out the few that include Mema and find
space for them in the photo albums. In the meanwhile, Dad sneaks Mr. Bill into
the casket; I silently roll my eyes.
After a few more minutes we decide to
go and rescue my Mom. Rhonda is talking her head off and my Mom looks very
stressed. Eventually we separate the two and decide to take a quick field trip
to the Belvedere cemetery. Several members of my Dad’s family are buried here.
It takes us some time to find the headstones, but it’s a nice day outside and
this is a good distraction. After an hour or so we head back to the hotel to
meet up with my brother and get ready for the viewing.
It turns out that my brother booked
his own room and I am grateful. Admittedly, 3 rooms for four people seems excessive,
but we all like our privacy. Once we arrive at the hotel, I sit down with Mike to
catch up. We talk mostly about family gossip. After about 30 minutes of
conversation and one cup of coffee we head up to our separate rooms to get
ready for the night.
I spend about 20 minutes crying/meditating
and attempting to get the emotional side of my brain in line with the rational
side. I also take a few minutes to iron my clothes and put on make-up. Around
4pm we gather in the lobby again.
We are the first to arrive at the
funeral home and each spend a few minutes in the viewing room. From there we
gather in the lobby to look at photo albums, watch a looping video of the same
photos, and eat teeny, tiny sandwiches, which were provided by the church. I manage to spend the first hour sitting
in a big comfy chair, but as the room fills I am pressured to go and visit with
distant family members. I spend a significant chunk of time taking to one of Mema’s
cousins who own a ranch outside of San Angelo. I also take my turn with Rhonda
to help give my Mom space to talk to others. After about 2 hours my feet are
starting to hurt and I hoping that the room clears out soon. Eventually
everyone leaves and we all pile back into the truck.
For dinner we decide on the Cork and
Pig. Dad and Mike partake in beer and pizza, Mom orders a separate pizza and I
get a pork chop and wine. The meal is pretty nice and the wine is even nicer.
After dinner we call it an early night and all retreat into our separate hotel
rooms. Tomorrow morning is the funeral and I am already worried about keeping
it together.
