Monday, September
19th 2016
Destin, FL
It's 8am CST and my Dad is pounding on my bedroom door. I am
unbelievably groggy. He is telling me that I need to pack up and move to
another room right away. He has negotiated a room change and is demanding that move
with military speed and precision. There is clearly no need for this level of
alarm, but I am also not going to fight. I just go with the flow. Besides, it
is kind of sweet how wrapped up my Dad has become with giving my Grandmother
the perfect birthday experience.
Around 8:30am we are settled
in our new room. To be fair, it is way better than our old room. It’s facing
the ocean (the view is amazing) and it has 3 bathrooms! We each get our own
bathroom! I almost feel guilty.
My Dad cooks breakfast while
my Grandmother and I sit outside and look at the ocean. It’s pretty hot and
humid but if Grandmother can handle it, then so can I. Breakfast is very
good. My Dad even woke up early and bought a crate of coffee from Starbucks.
After a long breakfast we decide to go shopping at one of those cheesy beach
stores (I actually remember Alvin’s Island from when I was a kid – I can’t
believe it’s still here!). Alvin’s looks about the same as I remember, though
it seems smaller. My Grandmother insists on buying me and my Dad hats and
T-shirts (even though it’s HER birthday). I just go with the flow and pick out
my presents. On the way back to the condo my Dad pulls over and purchases a Styrofoam
cooler and fills it with beer and ice. I am very excited about this beach day!
Getting down to the beach
proves to be more challenging than expected. My grandmother uses a walker,
which does not fare well on sand. Also, my Dad (true to form) has brought a
huge bag, full of random stuff and we still have to carry the cooler. Somehow,
I end up in charge of the cooler and my grandmother, while my Dad carries the
bag.
We finally settle down and
open our beers. This is very nice. I casually mention that I would like to try
paddle boarding at some point and Dad kicks into high gear. Before I know
it, he has purchased an hour of paddle board time and I am being safety briefed
by a lifeguard who is literally half my age. My Grandmother is giggling the
entire time; she thinks that I should marry the lifeguard.
I surrender my beer after only
one sip and wander out into the incredibly warm and calm Atlantic Ocean. I hop
onto my board and am surprised at how unsteady I feel. I mentally make a note
of my current location and attempt to paddle down the beach. It takes me almost
30 minutes to really get the hang of this. After another 20 minutes or so I
return to the beach. Dad and Grandmother are drunk. Ugh, old people.
I quickly return the board
and sit down to join them. My original beer has been commandeered and I have to
open a new one. My Dad wants to talk about death and the afterlife, which seems
a little dark, but I just go with it. After what seems like only a few minutes
we are interrupted by the young lifeguard because it’s time for him to put the
beach chairs away. Since my Dad will not sit on the sand and my grandmother cannot
sit on the sand we head back up to the condo.
This time I find myself in
charge of the cooler, my grandmother, and the beach bag. My Dad walks beside us
with my grandmother’s walker flung over his shoulder. The walker is flying all
over the place while I navigate the very fine sand and wind with hand-fulls of hair in
my eyes and mouth. Eventually the walker swings in the wrong direction and
connects with my Grandmother’s head. She is immediately mad and calls my Dad an idiot. Now
my Dad is mad too. I cannot muster an eye roll big enough to express how I am
feeling right now.
Back in the condo we all
retreat to our personal bathrooms to clean up. The shower is awesome and I don
on beach outfit number 2. It takes a while for my Dad and Grandmother to wander
back into the common area. Once we reconvene my Dad decides that me and him are
going to go pick up seafood for dinner while my Grandmother relaxes at the
condo. This is fine with me, so we hop in the truck and head over to the Crab
Trap.
It definitely looks like
Spring Break 1995 in this place. The Crab Trap is a multiple level restaurant
with at least one bar for each level. My Dad and I grab a stool at the first
bar we see. We grab two draft beers and a to-go menu. My Dad proceeds to order
a lot of food. I feel like it’s probably too much, but we are from the south
and an abundance of food is how we show love (also, I just go with the
flow). As we wait for our food it becomes clear that Dad is still mad about Grandmother calling him an idiot. Frankly, I’m on her side, but I know
enough not to argue. I listen patiently and am silently grateful for our
awesome condo and the cooler full of beer.
Back at the condo, we dump an
enormous pile of seafood onto the center of the kitchen table and dig in. This
is pretty fun and we actually eat a lot more than I thought. As we are slowing
down my Grandmother announces that she has lost a crown on one of the crab legs
(this is not surprising as she was biting directly into them this entire time).
For some unknown reason, I find this hilarious and can not stop laughing.
Luckily everyone else joins in. Just as the laughter dies down I find the crown
on the table. I can’t believe this happening; I continue to laugh
uncontrollably.
After a long dinner we all
hang around the kitchen table until it’s time for bed. It’s pretty early for
me, so I watch some TV in my bedroom and eventually drift off to sleep.
Tomorrow is our last full day of birthday celebration fun.
