The emotional brain

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Los Angeles, CA

I received a text earlier today from my Mom letting me know that Mema has finally passed away. She had been struggling with multiple heart issues for the past few months and died peacefully in her sleep the night before.

Currently I am driving home from work and call my Mom to check in.

I have been prepared for this day for many years, but the second I hear my Mom’s voice, tears flood out of my eyes. I’m always surprised how the intellectual brain and the emotional brain can be so out of sync. In the wake of this rush of emotion, I try my best to focus on logistics.

My Mom is currently by herself in Abilene. The plan is to gather Mema’s few personal items and drive over to San Angelo to make arrangements for her funeral and burial. Mema is from San Angelo and has specific instructions regarding her services.  

I ask multiple times when Dad and my brother are coming up to help her and she explains that they are both busy and will not be coming up until the weekend. I confirm one more time that my Mom will be handling all of this alone and then ask if she needs help. The answer is a weak no and I commit to flying to San Angelo right away.

It’s about 6pm currently and I am able to find a flight that leaves LA at 1am and lands in San Angelo at 10am tomorrow morning. I know this seems dramatic, but I can’t let my Mom do this alone. Also, I shell out the extra money to fly first class. I am not a total martyr.

I spend the next few hours packing, showering and letting my boss know what’s going on. I drive to LAX, park in Lot C and make my way to my gate. I am intermittently crying, but am also keeping it together enough to not cause a scene.

I board first and settle in for the 4-hour flight to Dallas. After a few glasses of wine, I drift off to sleep. Ah man, this is going to be rough.