Mr. Bill

Friday, October 7, 2016

San Angelo, TX

It’s 9:30am and I am waking up for a 10:30am departure. It’s the day of Mema’s viewing and we are finally wrapping up our to-do list. Around 10:20am I wander into the hotel lobby and put together a plate of bacon and eggs. My Mom arrives at 10:30am, right on time.

We start out the day with one last stop at the funeral home. We are there to drop off our picture albums and a few last minute additions to Mema’s casket. I have brought a picture of us cooking together. As we are shown to the viewing room, I am gulping coffee and chomping down Altoids in an effort not to burst into tears. However, when we enter I can no longer hold it together. My Mom gives me a brief hug and then we are quickly back to business.

Once everything is settled, we sign the guest book and head back to the hotel. My Dad has arrived and we need to go pick him up. After a 30-minute break at the hotel we all pile into the pickup and head over to Henry’s for lunch. Dad is very chatty about everything except for Mema. My Mom and I are emotionally exhausted so we just let him talk.

Lunch is extremely filling and afterwards we need to head back to the funeral home because my Dad has one last addition for Mema’s casket. It’s Mr. Bill. Mr. Bill is an old dog toy that Mema gave to Millicent about 10 years ago. Millicent passed earlier this year, so my Dad’s idea is that Mema can deliver Mr.Bill to Millicent in heaven. I find this mildly inappropriate, but everyone deals with death in their own way.

As we approach the funeral home we recognize my Mom’s adopted sister, Rhonda, in the parking lot. As we approach my Dad and I are friendly. We all hug and say our hellos. Rhonda has come alone and brought pictures for the photo albums. She gives me the pictures and then sends me off into the viewing room so that she can talk to my Mom. I feel like I should stay but Rhonda is very pushy.

Entering the room for the second time is much easier. I flip through her photos and find that most of them are glamour shots of her daughters. I pull out the few that include Mema and find space for them in the photo albums. In the meanwhile, Dad sneaks Mr. Bill into the casket; I silently roll my eyes.

After a few more minutes we decide to go and rescue my Mom. Rhonda is talking her head off and my Mom looks very stressed. Eventually we separate the two and decide to take a quick field trip to the Belvedere cemetery. Several members of my Dad’s family are buried here. It takes us some time to find the headstones, but it’s a nice day outside and this is a good distraction. After an hour or so we head back to the hotel to meet up with my brother and get ready for the viewing.

It turns out that my brother booked his own room and I am grateful. Admittedly, 3 rooms for four people seems excessive, but we all like our privacy. Once we arrive at the hotel, I sit down with Mike to catch up. We talk mostly about family gossip. After about 30 minutes of conversation and one cup of coffee we head up to our separate rooms to get ready for the night.

I spend about 20 minutes crying/meditating and attempting to get the emotional side of my brain in line with the rational side. I also take a few minutes to iron my clothes and put on make-up. Around 4pm we gather in the lobby again.

We are the first to arrive at the funeral home and each spend a few minutes in the viewing room. From there we gather in the lobby to look at photo albums, watch a looping video of the same photos, and eat teeny, tiny sandwiches, which were provided by the church. I manage to spend the first hour sitting in a big comfy chair, but as the room fills I am pressured to go and visit with distant family members. I spend a significant chunk of time taking to one of Mema’s cousins who own a ranch outside of San Angelo. I also take my turn with Rhonda to help give my Mom space to talk to others. After about 2 hours my feet are starting to hurt and I hoping that the room clears out soon. Eventually everyone leaves and we all pile back into the truck.

For dinner we decide on the Cork and Pig. Dad and Mike partake in beer and pizza, Mom orders a separate pizza and I get a pork chop and wine. The meal is pretty nice and the wine is even nicer. After dinner we call it an early night and all retreat into our separate hotel rooms. Tomorrow morning is the funeral and I am already worried about keeping it together.