Goodbye Florida.

Wednesday, September 21st 2016

Destin, FL and Los Angeles, CA

It’s around 9am CST and I waking up after an amazing night’s sleep. I still have sand in my bed, but I am so well rested that I no longer care. We have to leave in the next hour, so I quickly get dressed and pack up my bags. It is our last day and there is no coffee in the kitchen. It’s okay though, I remain grateful for past coffee.   

Eventually we begin to load up the truck. We literally have an entire luggage cart full of stuff (as it turns out, old people need a lot of stuff!). After we are all packed up, we make a coffee stop at McDonalds. We all chat happily on the way back to my Grandmother’s room at her assisted living facility. My Dad has left a large time buffer to hang out at Grandmother’s home and chat with all of her friends. As it turns out, she has a lot of friends! After about an hour of chatting with almost everyone in the building, it’s time for us to head out. We say our goodbyes and are off to the airport.

The drive to the Pensacola airport takes longer than expected, but we still arrive with plenty of time to spare. I say goodbye to Dad who will be driving back to Austin solo. I have about 2 hours to kill and spend my time playing plants vs zombies.

The flight home is uneventful and before I know it I am back home in LA.      

We'll have another round of blue margaritas.

Tuesday, September 20th 2016

Destin, FL

It’s 9am and I am waking up with sand in my bed. Actually, there is sand everywhere; it brings me great nostalgia from childhood vacations in this place. It takes me about 30 minutes to get ready and wander into the common area where my Dad is starting to cook and my Grandmother is watching Fox News.

Dad has acquired another box of Starbucks coffee and I love him for it. My Grandmother and I relocate outside while our breakfasts are made to order. We spend most of the morning lounging on the balcony before my Dad announces that it’s too hot and we move the party inside.

Around noon we all gather in the kitchen for the official birthday celebration. Dad has brought us all birthday hats, whistles, paper plates and napkins from home and special ordered an ice cream cake. I find all of this preparation adorable. After a few selfies and a (pretty bad) rendition of Happy Birthday we dig into the cake.

For the rest of the afternoon we all sit in the air conditioned living room intermittently watching Fox News and gazing at the ocean. Dad still seems mad about Grandmother calling him am idiot. He is picking on both me and her out of both boredom and spite. I can tell that my Grandmother does not have the energy to go back down to the beach and I can’t figure out a way to stop this dynamic. I take this time to zone out and contemplate how I will never understand the complexities of a relationship between an only child and his single mother. Eventually, I decide that my best course of action to ignore everyone.

Around 5pm the conversation turns to our birthday dinner plan. We eventually decide that Mexican food would be fun and we all gather into to the truck to go out to eat.

On the way to the restaurant we realize that my Grandmother forgot her cane at the condo. My Dad insists on immediately buying a new one (though he is simultaneously grumpy that he has spent too much money on this trip). I can take a hint offer to pay for the cane. Dad accepts.

Finally, we land at Don Pedro’s. We order a round of blue margaritas and I immediately know that this will be very bad or very awesome. There is some strange initial conversation about whether or not it’s appropriate for a man to have a trophy wife. I know it sounds weird but I find this conversation fascinating and my Grandmother to be delightfully feminist. Soon we are on round 2 of blue margaritas. I am definitely drunk. We stumble through more conversation about the role of women in society and are way too full of chips and salsa by the time our food arrives. We all make valiant attempts at eating our food and then decide to head back to the condo.

Once we are back inside my grandmother decides to go to sleep immediately. My Dad and I hang out for a little bit longer. We mostly talk about my other grandmother, whose health is not good. The conversation is dark and I dread the day when I have to watch my parents lose their parents.

Eventually we go to bed. Tomorrow is our last morning in this lovely condo.

I'll just go with the flow.

Monday, September 19th 2016

Destin, FL

It's 8am CST and my Dad is pounding on my bedroom door. I am unbelievably groggy. He is telling me that I need to pack up and move to another room right away. He has negotiated a room change and is demanding that move with military speed and precision. There is clearly no need for this level of alarm, but I am also not going to fight. I just go with the flow. Besides, it is kind of sweet how wrapped up my Dad has become with giving my Grandmother the perfect birthday experience.

Around 8:30am we are settled in our new room. To be fair, it is way better than our old room. It’s facing the ocean (the view is amazing) and it has 3 bathrooms! We each get our own bathroom! I almost feel guilty.

My Dad cooks breakfast while my Grandmother and I sit outside and look at the ocean. It’s pretty hot and humid but if Grandmother can handle it, then so can I. Breakfast is very good. My Dad even woke up early and bought a crate of coffee from Starbucks. After a long breakfast we decide to go shopping at one of those cheesy beach stores (I actually remember Alvin’s Island from when I was a kid – I can’t believe it’s still here!). Alvin’s looks about the same as I remember, though it seems smaller. My Grandmother insists on buying me and my Dad hats and T-shirts (even though it’s HER birthday). I just go with the flow and pick out my presents. On the way back to the condo my Dad pulls over and purchases a Styrofoam cooler and fills it with beer and ice. I am very excited about this beach day!

Getting down to the beach proves to be more challenging than expected. My grandmother uses a walker, which does not fare well on sand. Also, my Dad (true to form) has brought a huge bag, full of random stuff and we still have to carry the cooler. Somehow, I end up in charge of the cooler and my grandmother, while my Dad carries the bag.

We finally settle down and open our beers. This is very nice. I casually mention that I would like to try paddle boarding at some point and Dad kicks into high gear. Before I know it, he has purchased an hour of paddle board time and I am being safety briefed by a lifeguard who is literally half my age. My Grandmother is giggling the entire time; she thinks that I should marry the lifeguard.

I surrender my beer after only one sip and wander out into the incredibly warm and calm Atlantic Ocean. I hop onto my board and am surprised at how unsteady I feel. I mentally make a note of my current location and attempt to paddle down the beach. It takes me almost 30 minutes to really get the hang of this. After another 20 minutes or so I return to the beach. Dad and Grandmother are drunk. Ugh, old people.

I quickly return the board and sit down to join them. My original beer has been commandeered and I have to open a new one. My Dad wants to talk about death and the afterlife, which seems a little dark, but I just go with it. After what seems like only a few minutes we are interrupted by the young lifeguard because it’s time for him to put the beach chairs away. Since my Dad will not sit on the sand and my grandmother cannot sit on the sand we head back up to the condo.

This time I find myself in charge of the cooler, my grandmother, and the beach bag. My Dad walks beside us with my grandmother’s walker flung over his shoulder. The walker is flying all over the place while I navigate the very fine sand and wind with hand-fulls of hair in my eyes and mouth. Eventually the walker swings in the wrong direction and connects with my Grandmother’s head. She is immediately mad and calls my Dad an idiot. Now my Dad is mad too. I cannot muster an eye roll big enough to express how I am feeling right now.   

Back in the condo we all retreat to our personal bathrooms to clean up. The shower is awesome and I don on beach outfit number 2. It takes a while for my Dad and Grandmother to wander back into the common area. Once we reconvene my Dad decides that me and him are going to go pick up seafood for dinner while my Grandmother relaxes at the condo. This is fine with me, so we hop in the truck and head over to the Crab Trap.

It definitely looks like Spring Break 1995 in this place. The Crab Trap is a multiple level restaurant with at least one bar for each level. My Dad and I grab a stool at the first bar we see. We grab two draft beers and a to-go menu. My Dad proceeds to order a lot of food. I feel like it’s probably too much, but we are from the south and an abundance of food is how we show love (also, I just go with the flow). As we wait for our food it becomes clear that Dad is still mad about Grandmother calling him an idiot. Frankly, I’m on her side, but I know enough not to argue. I listen patiently and am silently grateful for our awesome condo and the cooler full of beer.

Back at the condo, we dump an enormous pile of seafood onto the center of the kitchen table and dig in. This is pretty fun and we actually eat a lot more than I thought. As we are slowing down my Grandmother announces that she has lost a crown on one of the crab legs (this is not surprising as she was biting directly into them this entire time). For some unknown reason, I find this hilarious and can not stop laughing. Luckily everyone else joins in. Just as the laughter dies down I find the crown on the table. I can’t believe this happening; I continue to laugh uncontrollably.

After a long dinner we all hang around the kitchen table until it’s time for bed. It’s pretty early for me, so I watch some TV in my bedroom and eventually drift off to sleep. Tomorrow is our last full day of birthday celebration fun.